He's really movin' now

Tonight we enjoyed a nice night out with our friends Mackenzie and Andrew.

Another fun married couple in the med program here.

We went to BBQ and then to the best frozen custard place in town.

All night long Chubbies had been moving around a lot.

I had never felt him moving like that before.

It was really distinguishable. Not to be mistaken with gas or something like that.

I KNEW it was Chubbies!

So when we were sitting at the tables enjoying our yummy custard I thought I would see if Dave could feel the baby.

I just grabbed his hand and put it on my belly while he was chatting away with Andrew and he turned and looked right up at me and said

"I just felt him"

We were both actually really surprised.

Neither of us have felt him from the outside yet.

It was pretty exciting.

Since we were out with friends we didn't really make a big deal about it, but as we drove home we couldn't stop smiling and talking about what had happened.

I just wanted to blog about it so we remembered our first time daddy felt Chubbies move.

I'm still getting used to this whole, having a baby moving inside of me thing, but I am learning to love it pretty quickly....even though it is a really strange feeling.

What's up with the nick name?

I've had a lot of people ask me why we call our baby Chubbies, so here ya go.

This summer our Nephew Mason, who is about 2 I think, was walking around the kitchen saying "I unt chubbies". Dave and I couldn't understand what he was talking about so he kept repeating it over and over again. 

"I unt Chubbies, I unt Chubbies"

First of all you have to understand that the way Mason talks, everything he says is so cute. 

We figured it was some kind of food he was asking for so Dave opened up the fridge and looked around and saw some strawberries and held them out to Mason and asked "Chubbies?"

To which Mason got a huge grin and said "Yea" in his adorable way.

Dave and I couldn't stop laughing about how cute this experience was and we kept imitating Mason saying "I unt Chubbies" all day long. 

When I got on the computer that night I was looking up how big my baby was and it said that at 9 weeks its the size of a strawberry. 

So our baby from that point on was called Chubbies.

my favorite is when we say our prayers at night and Dave prays 

"for Chubbies to keep growing healthy and strong". 

Makes me smile every time.

 Now we call him Chubbies, Chubs, Chubby Wub, The Chubster. 

LOL.

 I can't really picture us calling him anything else at this point....even after he comes I'd imagine we'll still be calling him that. 

20 weeks

A year ago today We were sitting in a Doctors office crying because we couldn't see a heart beat for our little one, they had gone to heaven.

I will always love my little angel in heaven.

This morning I took the time to thank my Heavenly Father for all the Love He has for me and my little family. I felt it a year ago and I felt it today. 

(and many many moments in between)

I haven't taken any moment of this pregnancy for granted.

This afternoon I got to see my Chubbies with a wonderfully healthy and strong heartbeat. 

I couldn't help but cry when I saw the little flutter of chubs big ol heart. 

The nurse looked at me and said "we haven't even gotten to the good stuff" lol

I love seeing this beautiful little baby so much!

Look how big Chubbies is getting!

and IT'S A BOY...
(our initial instincts were right on)

...a BIG boy. He's got really long legs and HUGE hands and feet apparently. 

He measures over 2 weeks ahead of schedule for height, so he will be tall.

It's perfect for his future BYU football career. 

Dave and I could not be more EXCITED about our little guy.

look at his cute toes.

giving us the thumbs up.

One other highlight was watching Chubbies have a big YAWN

and wiggle around like crazy

Just adorable. 

February will be here before we know it. 

I just keep picturing a little mini Dave in my life and I can't wait.

I'm the luckiest woman in the world!!

16.5 weeks

I have been feeling pretty good as of late, but last night was the WORST. I had a nightmare that was horrifying and I woke up starving...so I ate some olives and watermelon, which sounds disgusting now but sounded so good at the time...then when I went to lay back down I felt a rush of awfulness and ran to the bathroom to then proceeded to throw up everything and anything. 

And to make matters worse I peed my pants. 

Its official. I have no control over my bladder when I am throwing up.

AWSOME!

It took me some time to fall back a sleep after. I still was not feeling very good.

Which gave me a lot of time to think...and to thank my Heavenly Father.

Most women probably think I am crazy but this is what I asked for. 

I worry a lot about my baby. I try not to. But I can't ever help but feel anxiety before each doctors appointment that I'm going to show up and they are going to tell me that we lossed another baby. 

So I have been praying to Heavenly Father to help me stay calm and keep me reassured by keeping me sick. 

And as I laid back in bed last night I couldn't help but cry and be thankful that Heavenly Father blessed me last night by being sick. It helped me to calm myself and know that my baby was fine and that I didn't need to be afraid to go to the doctor again.

I felt so loved and comforted. 

And today's appointment was GREAT. 

I heard the little Chubbies heartbeat in the 150s. 

I learned I have gained a whopping 8 lbs...YAY!

(only I just look fat not pregnant lol story of my life)

I got all my questions answered by my wonderful NP.

I passed all my screenings with flying colors.

And the greatest news of all...We scheduled our ultrasound to find out if Chubbies is a boy or girl and it just so happens to be the day after Dave's Birthday...I can't think of a better way to spend his birthday week than getting to see our baby.

So I'm back to bed now, I'm exhausted because I got no sleep last night. But I feel so eternally grateful for the past 12 hours and that they showed me how much my Heavenly Father loves me and Chubbies.

End of the first trimester

Moving and starting a new phase of life has been a little exausting...

But getting to see this wiggly little bundle of joy inside of me last week gave me a burst of energy.

I wish I could get a sonogram and say hello to this little sugar booger everyday.

We are so excited to be done with the first trimester. I have been feeling really good lately and feel lucky to be able to take lots of naps, because I get wiped out really easily these days. Also it's nice to be able to actually EAT food again! I really missed food. lol

We celebrated our 3 year anniversary last Tuesday.

We're all settled into our new apartment.

We got to go to our new church's ward and we all ready LOVE IT HERE.

Dave spent last week in orientation for med school.

I got to go to a few events and meet his fellow class mates.

There are lots of wives and we have all ready hung out quite a few times and decided to keep each other company while our husbands are hard at work studying.

Today Dave started his first official day of classes in medical school.

I woke up, packed him a lunch and sent him off with a kiss.

I can't wait for him to come home so I can hear all about it.

Life is just too exciting with a baby on the way and a Doctor in the making.

Now I'm off to take another nap.

I'm exhausted.

Pregnant

I'm Pregnant!!!

Saying those words make me the happiest woman alive right now.

Our love bug is scheduled for delivery in February.

Dave and I have had a long road to recovery after we lost our little one last October and I can honestly say that although it was the most heart breaking expirience I've ever been through I am greatful for what has become of it. I know our little one is in a much much better place. I know we will meet our little one again one day, I'm excited to be growing their sibling. Dave and I have a firm and strong faith in our Heavenly Father's plan for us and our family. We are closer than we ever were.

Our two little ones all ready have a one thing in common.

They were conceived in the same month exactly one year apart from one another.

What are the odds.

Any sooner and I don't think I would have been ready emotionally.

Any later and I would have started getting anxious.

Heavenly Father just has PERFET timing.

This pregnancy is considered high risk, beacause my last miscarriage was well into my second trimester. At first this sounded really scary to me, but what that really means is that I get ultrasounds early and often and my doctor is really thorough and attentive.

Just what any mother could ask for.

At ten weeks we got our first ultrasound.

We saw the heartbeat, healthy and strong.

(the first heartbeat we've ever seen or heard)

It was amazing, I cried like the boob that I am. I was overwhelmed with how amazingly strong our little is all ready. Dave just sat there with a huge grin on his face and said nothing. It was adorable.

The best part was when "chubbies" waved their little arm as if to say "hey mommy and daddy" and we replied "hey chubbies" (our awsome nickname for them)

My first trimester has been good to me.

I sleep A LOT!

I eat when ever I can....my appetite has completely left me

(Shocking I know)

wintergreen TUMS are my best friend.

There has been a heat wave in St.Louis the past 18 days...and with the humidity it feels like it's 105-110 degrees outside and since I all ready feel hot all of the time I have been spending all of my time indoors reading, sleeping ,sewing, sleeping and catching up on good movies, after which I will take a good nap.

This baby is taking all of my energy....I'm convinced they are going to be awsome.

Dave and I both feel like it's going to be a boy, which means it will probably be a girl.

We can't wait to find out though.

Thank you to all of my wonderful friends and family who kept us in your prayers.

They totally worked....We're having a BABY!!!

Patience

Last night as Dave and I were praying before bed I started to cry!

I just miss being pregnant. I miss holding my little belly. I miss daydreaming about what it was going to be, boy or girl. I miss talking with Dave about all of the silly fun things we were going to do with our little one and all of the silly things babies do that we would just sit and giggle at. I miss the little kids I nanny asking me questions non stop about what the baby was growing that day. I miss knowing that I was going to have a baby in March in Utah with all of my family and friends close by. I miss reading all of my books on the babies developement and how to be a good mom. I miss wearing elastic pants. I miss thinking of baby names. I miss the excitment the filled me every time I saw mother and her little one in church. It's only been 23 days today since we lost our little one. 23 days of coping. 23 days less I have to wait to start trying again. My life seems to have the theme of patience these days, and some days I am better than others.

But each day I count my blessings because I know Dave and I have been blessed in so many ways!

Gaurdian Angels

Well here it goes.....recently Dave and I have gone through something pretty heartbreaking and I have had a few days now to try and learn how to cope with it and I think it helps to just talk about it....rather than ignore the world and pretend like nothing happened.

Dave and I got back from Paris on cloud nine and I thought life couldn't get any better. We had just had the time of our lives, our little one was growing, Dave had received interview offers from 7 med schools and we were head over heals in love with each other. A few days later we went in for my 18 week checkup at the clinic. Our Dr. took my vitals and samples and said everything looked great and that we should schedule an ultrasound to see what our little one was...a boy or a girl. Then it was time to use the doppler and hear that precious little heartbeat we had hear just a few weeks previous. She kept moving the doppler around on my stomach and telling me to relax so it would work...1 minute turned into two....two minutes turned into four and still we couldn't find a heart beat. I was scared but kept telling myself the doppler is just stupid machine. So my Dr. went right over to her computer and asked if I would have time today to go straight to the hospital to get an ultrasound....I said yes and started to ball but was still hoping for the best. As we got to the hospital I was trying really hard not to cry....I was so worried. We went into the first room which had multiple beds and machines seperated by curtains....I kept looking at the T.V. at our little baby while the first nurse took an ultrasound and felt so much love for it. I was amazed at how big it was all ready and relieved to just be able to see our little one finally, even if there was no heartbeat. I wasn't oblivious that our nurse was silent until she asked us to move into a seperate room......it was just us sitting there in a dark room now in solitude. Another nurse came in and took a look at the baby again. She measured it and explained to us that the baby had swelling around it's head and had passed away a few weeks earlier (shortly after our last appointment where we heard the heart beat). I couldn't hold back my tears anymore. Sweet dave held me as I tearfully asked the nurse for a picture to keep. Then the Doctor came in to confirm that our little one had gone to heaven sooner than we had hoped and what would happen next. We have never been so heartbroken in our life. I know miscarriages are common....but I thought being 18 weeks along I was in the clear and was oh so excited to be a mother and for Dave to be a Father. There was nothing left to do after the doctors but to cry. Dave and I held each other and we cried for the next 24 hours. Then came the hardest part....That next afternoon Dave had to catch a flight out to St. Louis for his first med school interview....I was so excited for him and greatful that we had something to look forward to and talk about after such bad news...but now I was left alone to deal with this for the next 4 days.

I am so greatful for Dave because I know I could not have made it through those 4 days if he hadn't made me the strong woman I am today. I turned to the Lord and counted my blessings. My family were angels and brought me food and hugs. My ward was great and brought me food and hugs. I was at the point where I knew I was going to be ok and felt ready to talk about it...and then Friday came. Still no word from the Dr. as to when I could go in and get a DNC...my house was spotless, and I didn't know what to do with myself....so I went to the gym. after being on the eliptical for about 2 minutes....my water broke. I ran to the bathroom and called my sister and asked her to bring me some clothes. I talked with the Dr. and then went home. I ended up passing the fetus in my own apartment, by myself, with Dave on the phone. I was in shock and shaking and greatful Dave had some Lortab to help with the contractions in the pantry. When I saw the fetus I couldn't hold back the tears. It was so developed....little fingures, a little nose.

I just want to bare my testimony that I know Heavenly Father knows each and everyone of us individually and loves us. Maybe our little one was just a faithful spirit that just needed a little body...but now they are in a happier and holy place and that brings me happiness. I cry not because I am bitter but because I was just so excited to be a mother and a family with my wonderful husband. But I know that Heavenly Father has a plan for us. That we will have children here on earth one day and that now we have a little gaurdian angel to look over us now.